Holy Ship! music festival is preparing for its eight annual cruise on January 10, but they have a new rule for attendees this year: Don’t have sex with the pizza.
This weekend, performer Kill The Noise shared a photo of an official document from the festival titled, “Open Pizza Bar For Consumption Only.”
The note explains to attendees: “Due to incidents on previous sailings in which patrons engaged in uncouth behavior in the cafe, we feel it is our duty to remind our guests that pizza is for eating, not fornicating. Sexual acts with our handcrafted pizzas can bring unintended health consequences and can pose a safety hazard for other passengers aboard our journey.”
Apparently, these acts are actually “prohibited by maritime law” and won’t be tolerated at this year’s festival. Whoever wrote the note did their due diligence and finished the note by explaining, “If you suffer from Sitophilia, or the sexual desire to fornicate with foods such as our pizzas, please inquire with one of our specialits in the medical bay below te deck.” I just looked it up, and yes, Sitophilia is a real thing.
The letter reads like a joke, but Holy Ship! is known for its wild parties, so this might actually be based on true events. Just this weekend, two dozen people were reportedly arrested for drug possession while boarding the ship. You can read the full warning note below.